Couples Therapy in Milan

Although couples usually begin therapy when a crisis is already evident, I also like to think of this kind of work as something couples can undertake to grow together while things are still going well. In that case, its benefits can stay with them for a long time. For example, it makes a considerable difference to have addressed the difficult aspects of a relationship before taking an important step such as starting a family or buying a home together. For couples from different cultures and language backgrounds, differences in values and family expectations also matter. Often, one partner also has to talk about their feelings in a second language.

What Happens in a Couples Therapy Session

When someone tells me about their relationship, I hear an account that is inevitably from just one perspective. In a couples session, the relationship unfolds in front of me: I see who interrupts whom, for example, but also who does not take opportunities to move closer. This information helps me understand how an argument develops and at what point it takes a turn from which the partners find it difficult to come back. I therefore try to understand how the couple functions, what meanings each partner attaches to the other's behaviour, which reactions are rooted in each person's personal history, and how these reactions end up reinforcing one another. Looking at each person's contribution and behaviour within the relationship makes it much easier to assess the relationship and address its patterns without being distracted by the need to find someone to blame.

My Approach

My training leads me to take an integrative approach to couples therapy. Typical of university-based specialist training programmes, it draws on different clinical models according to what has proved most effective for the particular kind of challenge the couple is facing. In the early stages, when the work is mainly about communication, I use tools from the Gottman Method. I combine this method with other approaches incorporating elements of Existential Psychotherapy, CBT or Systemic Relational Psychotherapy to address deeper issues as well, depending on what makes sense for the difficulty we are facing. Sessions are also a time to reflect on the meaning of the relationship, shared plans for the future and any sacrifices involved. In relationships that last twenty, thirty or even fifty years, it makes sense to revisit and renegotiate certain terms over time. As adult lives grow longer, most of us are unlikely to have only one significant love relationship, although some of us may have more than one with the same person.

International Couples and Couples Therapy in English

I work in Italian and in English, and I often see couples of different nationalities or couples who have moved to Milan. Very often, one partner has followed the other, giving up a job and a network of friends. Finding oneself in a new country can also change the relationship: someone who was previously independent may become much more dependent on their partner, while the partner who works continues to have opportunities for recognition and social connection outside the home. Having lived as an expat for much of my life, I know this situation and pay particular attention to it.

When One Partner Is Already Thinking About Separating

It is common for one partner to be more inclined to separate while the other still wants to try. Although I need to make clear that my preference is to help couples improve their relationship and stay together, the partner who already has one foot out of the relationship has an equal right to be heard, and the work must take this into account. In these cases, we proceed one session at a time until, and if, the partner who is inclined to leave decides to commit to therapy over the medium term. Even when a couple decides to separate, addressing conflict remains important, especially when there are children. Some difficulties deserve attention regardless of the couple's future, so that each person can build skills and grow emotionally.

How the Therapy Process Works

When a couple decides to begin therapy, I meet both partners together. When possible, I prefer a first session lasting 120 minutes or, alternatively, two 60-minute sessions, depending on both partners' availability. This is followed by one or two individual sessions with each partner and questionnaires about the relationship. Finally, we meet together to discuss what has emerged and agree on a shared plan of work, also considering any individual difficulties that require specific attention. Subsequent couples sessions last 60 minutes, while individual sessions last 50 minutes. Sessions are initially weekly and may later take place every two weeks, depending on how the process is going. In some cases, I offer intensive programmes, concentrating the first 8–10 hours into one week. This is an option to consider, for example, when the couple lives far from Milan and can arrange to spend a few days here.

Sessions in Milan and Bookings

Sessions take place at my practice at Via Filippo Turati 7, in central Milan (LINK). The initial stages of therapy must take place in person; subsequently, when patients need it, some sessions can be held online. Sessions can be conducted in Italian or English.

Frequently Asked Questions